Yesterday I went to my SIL's salon to get a cut & color. It's the one time I can get away for me time. If you can even say that b/c I always--well except for maybe twice-- take Shea with me. She is always extremely well behaved, though. I have been taking her w/ me since she was an infant, so she is used to it. I really don't go that often-maybe once every few months-if that. So I do look forward to it, besides the change for my hair.
Anyway, I was sitting in the chair waiting for SIL to start when my phone rang.
So much for some peaceful me time...
This is where the situation begins. Now I really can't and won't go into details, but just let me say that there are 2 scenarios to this situation--both with horrible endings. At this point we do not know what to believe and it is very trying on my emotional state--which we all know isn't that steady to begin with!!
It is wait and see sitution but I must admit that the more it pans out the more it's beginning to go all one way as far as scenarios!! The unfortunate thing is- we may never know the real truth! This is irritating for me b/c I want to know so I can process that and move on. With the way it stands it is impossible to do so.
To top it all off--this morning Hubby saw the gas bill and basically freaked. And who got the brunt of it? You guessed it --moi!!
He told me I really need to do something --in his case, find something I can do from home-b/c you know that's what everyone is doing!!-- and get out of my little world --picture me skipping along singing "Oh well, oh well, oh well!!" That's what he says I say! I
You know, I try to keep an optimistic attitude and then he accuses me of saying 'Oh well!' and letting him worry about it. I asked him would you rather me just sit and cry?? Seems what ever I do isn't right!! We agreed I would stay home w/Shea until she started preschool @4yo. But it always comes back to me that I need to find something right now, etc. Then if I say- well ok then she'll go to school now and we'll have to pay those extra months for the school- he changes his mind. The problem is that I don't have anyone to watch her. So when she goes to Preschool in Sept. like we planned, I need to have a job where I can pick her up and be home summers w/ her. This is why I plan to go back to my old job. The problem there is the pay isn't great and most of it will be going to her school. The up side is we will have benefits. I should have a little left after school and benefits but not much and most of that will go to gas. The other side is stay home and put her in part time--like we did w/the boys--and have to come up with that money. So if I go back at least it will cover school plus we''ll get benefits. Besides it will only be for a year until she is in Kindergarten. Which I may run into a problem b/c I'm not sure if it's full day and if not I have no idea how that will work.
Now if I bring up going back now, as opposed to Sept. he says no, just find something you can do from home! He thinks b/c we have a computer that there are automatically things to do. I've looked into them, they all are scams that want $$$ up front.
I don't know what to do anymore!!
It's always the same thing!!
And even when I do go back he'll still find something to complain about--b/c no matter if I worked part-time or full-time he always found fault: you work in a/c & heat, you get to sit all day, you don't work all day, blah blah, blah--you know b/c I didn't/don't have a house, etc. to come home to.
UUUGGGHHH!!!
I have been deep into my bible and praying-asking the Lord to show me some path somewhere!! To lead me to a way in this situation.
Also to help me figure out the truth or give me peace if I don't with the other!!
I am thankful the Lord has led me here. It is comforting to have a place to vent.
Even though, hubby thinks I need to find better things to do.
You know-like find a work-at-home job!!
If you hear of any--w/o all those fees and strings, that is--PLEASE let me know!!
^JUST ^j^ BELIEVE^
No comments:
Post a Comment