I'm walking uphill being turned around and round. Secret in motion when my feet are on the ground. BROKEN

This is how I feel.
This picture says it all w/o saying one word!!

I am tired of feeling like this. Do you hear me?
TIRED!!!!!!

I am tired of not sleeping well at night! I KNOW this has a HUGE impact on how I feel!!

I want so desperately to start exercising. I do start for a day or two but then it stops.

No motivation!
No energy!

It is hard when you don't have one of these, but when you don't have both...well, ha!

I am disgusted, as well. My dear husband seems to be spending too much time--and money--at the bar!! We are having trouble paying our bills--esp. the gas & electric-- and he's just wasting it!!
It is one thing to go for a couple of beers. He certainly deserves it. He is the sole breadwinner and I know it is stressful and that his job can be stressful. But he gets carried away!!
I cut down on our food buying: we are eating PB&J, grilled cheese, eggs, canned soup, you know all the stuff that's cheap! Then he goes and wastes our money at the bar. UGH!!

I have also been having trouble sleeping due to a family situation. Not in this family that I live with. It's outside the house.
It seems some other family members and I have come to the conclusion that this particular person and their spouse are liars. We've discovered that of the things that were told to us, there seems to be a variation of said things. So in light of this discovery, another situation has popped up. This could be a major thing!! If it is true, it is a terrible terrible happening. If it is false, it is an inexcusable lie!! One that would affect a lot of people! With all the inconsistencies that we've uncovered it is extremely hard to believe this situation to be true! This is what is bothering me! I just want to know the truth so I can process it and move on. If it isn't true, I don't want to keep acting like it is, pretending to feel bad for them.
I have prayed on it. And even though, I try not to let it get to me, subconsciously it does!! That's why I couldn't sleep the other night--all night!! I received a delivery from this couple and it just confuses me more!! My heart wants to go one way, all the time knowing and along with my head to go the other!! And it's not just me, it's a number of family members that have these suspicions!! These people are people I should be able to trust, but don't. And the things , the nice loving things they say to me makes it tough. Like they are trying to draw me in their web of lies and make me believe.

I have called the doctor to increase my med. Coming off of Christmas and going into tax time is really hard on me right now--on top of our money stresses, and living with hubby!!

This is another concern for me. The bible tells me to be submissive to hubby. This I don't really have a problem with--well not so much anymore. It's just being submissive to my hubby!
Besides the obvious, he has a resentment against me because I am home. Even though, it was a family decision, even though HE does not want anyone else watching her!! This gets taken out on me. He make his comments--which hurt and I try not to let bother me and I have gotten better at blowing off--and says he is only kidding-- when you know he isn't, because these are the same things that he brings up in arguments--you know when he knows he's wrong and has to change the subject, which is most of the time!!
It irks me that he can go spend the time at the bar instead of home, as well as spending money we don't have but hates when I spend time on the computer. He thinks I could find something better to do and when he sees me on it makes that exact comment!
Does he get that this is what I like to do? Does he get that this is how I converse with my friends--which I have to say, I have many b/c of the internet w/FB and blogging, etc.?
NO!!!
I don't go out with my friends--although I would like to and intend to start!!
I don't work w/ my friends!!
I have a 3yo shadow, does he? NO!!
Do I get credit for anything I do? NO!!
In fact, everything I do is never right!! I give him black-he wants white-all the time!!
It just gets old!! I know this is typical of most men, but regardless it is annoying and hurtful!!
I know what the bible says about being submissive to your hubby. It also says for hubby to LOVE his wife as he loves himself!! It does go both ways!!
And this my friends isn't how he rolls!!




^JUST ^j^ BELIEVE^