I Gotta Do Something!!: Life is a rollercoaster, Just gotta ride it

[Life Is A Rollercoaster-Keating Ronan]

Haven't written on here in like forever, so I thought there is no better time than the present, right?!!

Anyhoo, my life right now can be summed up w/one word:

ROLLERCOASTER

Yup, that's it...all in a nut shell!!

And I'm not talking little kiddie ones, like this.

I'm talking big, loopy ones like the ones

at Great Adventure

or Dorney Park

or Hershey Park!!

You know the ones with all the really high climbs, the extremely low dips and the loop-dee loops that send you whirling upside down!!

Yeah, that's my life.

I can tell you it's NEVER boring, to say the least!!

I really don't understand how the doctor says

to try to reduce stress

...HAHAHAHA.

Could

laugh

any

HARDER

LOUDER???!!!

STRESS is ALL

life

consists

of!!

I got it coming out of all ends!!

It's just not enough that the economy SUCKS

and work is all but to a halt for our business!!

Not many people are doing simple things

let alone remodeling their homes!!

Thankfully, we've had dribs & drabs that have been helping,

but we

are

sinking

ship

and I truly do not know how much longer we can stay afloat!!

I have been looking for a job.

Dispite my efforts, I haven't heard anything!!

Pickings are slim to begin with.

Add in a huge number of applicants,

well I'm sure you get the picture!!

I did actually get a call from Target for an interview. Went to find out it was night shift, 10pm - 6am. Not what I had hoped but, I had applied knowing it could be a possibility. It actually would have worked well pre-school/money wise. Shea could have went into the elementary school's preschool program...it's ½ days and FREE!! So, what I made working wouldn't be eaten up by daycare like it would if I work during the day.

But alas, even though I had a 2nd interview, my dear husband saw to it that I wouldn't be getting that position!! Let's just say that when he decided he was taking me to my 10:15pm interview I knew it wasn't going to end up well. Not only b/c he gets a bit over-protective/jealous, but due to the fact that he was a bit lit...quite drunk, to be honest!!

So, as he sat out in the parking lot waiting and watching, he saw a large number of men entering the store for their upcoming shift. He did not see the big group of women already IN the store, punching in as I passed them to go sit in the break room to await my interview. It didn't help matters that these men were African-American. Now, mind you, my husband is by no means prejudice, not that I have ever witnessed. But add his drunkeness with the fact that he was just LOOKING for something for me NOT to work this shift--that he really didn't approve of, but knew I needed a job--with the presence of that number of men and their color. He just KNEW that together they would be trouble, ya know b/c he just KNOWS everything!!

Well, imagine my shock--and embarassment--as I was sitting in the breakroom, chatting with another applicant while we were awaiting the supervisor, and a worker came back and said that my husband was up front asking for me. My first thought was that due to his jealousy, maybe he thought it was taking too long and he was just being an ass!! As I approached him, he repeated to me that I wasn't working there!! I followed him out to the car, dazed and confused asking, WHY?? He proceeded to explain. On the way home he even stated that I seemed upset and asked, "or do you WANT to work with them?", implying something more!! What I didn't mention earlier, is that he had also made a few comments about me going back into the stockroom with a co-worker!! The last one, being right as I was exiting the car for my interview!! No 'GOOD LUCK', just that lewd comment. I just told him that I was sick of them and he needed to STOP!!!

When we returned home, even my sons told him he was nuts--in so many words...mind you w/him being that intoxicated we had to watch our words as to not send him into an uproar, which would NOT be pretty!!! He woke up the next morning KNOWING he screwed up!! He even woke me up and asked me if I think he did...my reply, "IT'S TOO LATE NOW!!!!"

So, here I am back to the drawing board

--waiting and wondering:

~ will I get a job?

~ will the pay be half decent?

~ should I just put Shea in the free program --and if I get a job take her out and put her in a preschool, which will cost me? [W/o a job I can't afford to just put her in hoping I get one!!]

On top of this dilemma and back to the lack of work for the business, we are getting deeper and deeper in debt, falling further and further behind in EVERYTHING!!

This leads to my worrying and wondering:

~ how long are we going to be able to live here?

~ where will we go if we have to leave?

---we really don't have a place to go AND

we have no $$$ to get another place,

regardless...can you say SCREWED???

~ where's the $ going to come from to keep the utilities on and food on the table?

~ how much longer are we going to be able to keep my car?

On a good note, both of the boys have jobs!!

Nick's is only part time--of course w/school.

But Tomm is working full time. Problem is, we have already borrowed a nice amount from him--and Nick, as well--so I hate to take more...besides his mumbling and grumbling about it. [Funny he seems to forget the fact that we bought him both his cars AND paid for his transmission ($$$$) AND new tires AND 2½ months of his car insurance--when he was out of work, on top off the gas $ and cigarette $ we gave him AND the change that he took continuosly from his father's change jar & my wallet--along with some bills!!]

The arguing w/him is added stress!! Like it isn't bad enough the position we are in that I have to fight with him to help out!!!

Now

hubby has

a toothache

and

have

dental

insurance!!!

And as if I don't have enough going on here, there is a whole bunch of crap going on outside my house--on both side!!

On hubby's side, 2 family members are battling a health crisis,

one of which is extremely bad!

Plus, we are still trying to go on

after the death of our nephew, as well!!

On my side, it's a duel between siblings!!

#2 bro and I

vs.

#1 & #3 bro,

as well as my dad!!

#1 brother and his 'WIFE' (hahahahaha) are 2 of the biggest LIARS/SCAM ARTISTS/SOCIOPATHS you could ever meet!! Read here & here. They tell lie after lie and have my dad and youngest bro so wrapped up in their web, it's SAD!! They are only in it for themselves!! They care nothing about anyone but themselves, all the time acting so kind and innocent!

Well, I hate to break it to them, but EVERYONE is onto them!!

Last week, on 8/10, bro #2 had a blow out with dad and he and his family left, vowing NEVER to live there again!! [They have lived with him since my mom passed away back in 11/03] He, my dad, proceeded to change the locks and cancel their cell phones--which although are in his name, are paid for by my brother!! My bro and his wife and 2 kids have been staying w/our aunt since. They found a house to rent in the same neighborhood and will be moving out this weekend. The problems are starting already with the 2 of them arguing over what bro is taking, what is his, what belongs, etc... It will def. make for an interesting move!! Add to that fact, that bro #1 and his 'WIFE' are supposed to be up on Friday, so with them at the house it will be fireworks for sure!!

Now, as hard as I try to stay out of and away from all their business, it is disheartening and sad to me that our family has to be like this!!

And it's all b/c of that piece of crap 'WIFE' of bro #1!! Let's just say she isn't what she claims to be and is the worst of the 2!!! I honestly wish that she would just drop off the face of the earth so that we could have my bro back. He def. has changed since being with her!!

Even through all this crap, I still am grateful for things thus far: we still have a roof over our heads, food on the table. We wake up every day for a new start. The 5 of us are healthy.

The Lord has gotten us through thus far and I put it ALL in HIS hands constantly!!

I know HE has something good in store for us!

And I am learning a huge lesson of PATIENCE!!!

I am